One day at a time.
One step at a time.

It was my decision to walk away from my marriage. By the end, staying in the relationship had become miserable, and I could no longer see a healthy or happy future within it. Leaving felt necessary, but that did not make the decision easy or protect me from what followed.

Before separation, I had held down employment, supported my family and tried to meet my responsibilities. When the relationship ended, I believed I would somehow manage as I always had. Instead, it became a five-year journey through emotional distress, family disruption, legal processes and financial uncertainty.

One of the hardest parts was the effect on my relationship with my children. They struggled to connect with me, and at times I felt separated not only from my former partner but from the family life and sense of belonging I once knew. Separation does not affect only two people. Its impact can spread through children, relatives, friendships and the everyday relationships we depend upon.

Financial worries added constant pressure. I worried about my home, my future security and whether I would ever feel settled again. My concentration suffered, even simple decisions became difficult, and my confidence and sense of self-worth were gradually worn down.

At the same time, I was dealing with bullying at work and the effect it had on my mental health. I became anxious, withdrawn and less connected to people. Managing my health and wellbeing became another daily challenge. Some friendships survived, while others faded or were lost along the way.

During this period, my sister Josephine passed away. Grief arrived while I was already struggling to cope with separation, work problems and uncertainty about the future. There was little opportunity to deal with one loss before another difficulty demanded my attention.

The legal process created another level of stress. It took nearly five years to reach an agreement. I dealt with lawyers, financial disclosure, property, superannuation, bank and tax records, valuations, correspondence and deadlines. At times I felt let down by people I had trusted to guide me.

I often felt lost in a sea of information. Every answer seemed to lead to another form, another document or another decision. There was plenty of information available, but very little that simply told me what mattered now, what could wait and which direction I should take next.

I learned that trying to solve everything at once only made the situation feel impossible. Progress came from concentrating on the next manageable step: gathering one document, attending one appointment, replying to one letter or making one careful decision.

I also learned the value of accepting support. Help from health professionals, trusted people and support services made a real difference. Asking for help is not a weakness. Sometimes it is what allows you to keep functioning when your own strength and judgement are exhausted.

Rebuilding has not been a straight line. I have had to search for happiness and rediscover parts of myself that were lost. Learning to play guitar and creating music gave me something positive to concentrate on. Those things did not remove the problems, but they reminded me that life could still contain enjoyment, creativity and hope.

I am not a lawyer or financial adviser, and this app does not replace professional advice. It is based on lived experience and the practical lessons I learned while trying to find my way through a confusing and exhausting process.

I created Separation Roadmap Australia because I wanted other people to have the clear starting point I could not find. My hope is that it helps someone feel less alone, understand the next step and avoid some of the mistakes that can happen when fear, stress and uncertainty take over.

Your story matters too

Everyone’s experience of separation is different. If you would like to share your story, what helped you, or something you wish you had known earlier, I would be grateful to hear from you. Your experience may help improve this roadmap for others.

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